Faith

Hebrews 11:1 says Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Yesterday I took Thomas for his appointment with the social worker and we discussed the fact that it seemed that aspects of his Autism may be getting worse or regressing. I knew that there were things I wasn't able to control anymore. There were parts of this that I wasn't able to help him with and I'm having a very difficult time communicating with him. He seems to have numerous meltdowns during the day that even I can't control. It becomes a very daunting and frustrating task even for me, the one person who is with him all the time. I get advice thrown at me left and right, but the reality is that he is my son and I know what is best for him. It's not herbal remedies or punishment or spanking or grounding or any of that. He needs what is best for him, he is Thomas. He is not the Autistic child next to him or a mold of someone else. He is himself. This is what I want someone to understand and believe. He is ever changing and this is what is so extremely difficult. Like the verse above.... it's not what I had hoped for, but it's what I got and I'm certain that I have faith even when I can't see it.

The outcome of the his appointment was this: We are going to start teaching him some simple sign language again. Luckily I have a friend who is a sign language interpreter and she agreed to come and work with him. Hopefully when he cannot verbally communicate then he can sign some simple wording to get out what he needs to. I also have bought him a weekly chart so that he knows what his schedule is day by day. Routine is very important for him. He has also gotten very stuck on his brother, so we will incorporate time during the day that he can play with him while not overwhelming his brother. I'm also going to get him flash cards that have feelings, moods, etc on them and attach them to a key chain so he can wear them and be able to express himself that way hopefully without screaming or hitting or throwing something. We are also supposed to check into a case manager and /or CAP worker for some help and guidance. Finally I'm supposed to finish filling out his paperwork for TEACCH. So if I didn't have anything else to do I now have many things added to my list!

I also found out today that I may (possibly) really hoping it's not, need knee surgery. I'll go next week for an MRI on it to see if there is a tear. If so then it must be repaired. Of course this will put a bump in the road with Thomas and his daily routine and schedule. I have been having so much trouble with walking, sitting on the floor, moving, getting around, etc though that I'm almost hoping they will just fix it because I don't know how long it can go on like that and with him needing so much from me!

Faith: being sure of what we hoped for and certain of what we do not see. Sometimes you just have to have a little faith, hope for the best even when you can't see what's right in front of you!