I suppose it's time for an update. With all the getting ready for Christmas and so much going on in our home the last few weeks I haven't been paying attention to writing and updating. Please forgive me!

So this week I went to the local MS group and let me say that you couldn't pay me for the experience that I had. It was wonderful! Everyone there was so kind and welcoming. They really understood me and how I'm feeling. Not to mention they had a wealth of information for me. It was great and I plan on going back next month! No matter the outcome, I fit right in!

My family is ready for Christmas and we have so much to be thankful for. You are probably asking me what in the midst of everything, but we are celebrating Jesus' birthday and my children are well and happy. We have a lot to be very thankful and fortunate for and we have very loving families and friends that support us in all we do! Not to mention our kids keep us on our toes and that in itself is truly an experience that I wouldn't trade. You know the kind I'm talking about.

My oldest son was in his school's Christmas performance last night and let me say they did a wonderful job! However, I have one gripe. If you go to a performance at a school or any organization.... Please refrain from talking or letting your children talk or if you have a crying baby please take them out. We couldn't hear a thing those kids were saying during their speaking parts and they had microphones!!! People behind us were talking (adults) and kids were talking and babies were crying! I suppose they weren't interested?

May you all be truly blessed this Christmas season and enjoy the time with your family and friends and those around you who mean so much! I know that I am!

I think I have lost it....

Could it be that all of this is just getting to me? Maybe it's the fact that my husband is in the middle of accredidations at the Police Department and he's worked every night for the last month or maybe it's the new found news in my life or the holidays or...... I'm not sure what it is. I just feel like today I lost my mind. Maybe it's actually there it just got the better of me today. I got really angry at my children earlier because they dumped out all of their toys and all of the books. I'm not talking just a few small things either, it's an entire playroom full of large things and many many baskets full and small toys and I had just cleaned the entire room this morning. Perhaps it is because I'm so tired, or hurt so badly today that I thought I would pull my own hair out. Either way, I just blew up. Has anyone else ever done that? Yes this house is loud all the time and we are a "yelling" house. We always yell because to be heard here you pretty much have to do that. We are just LOUD! I just don't want this "disease" and I use the term loosely to overtake me so that I'm turning into something that I'm not. It bothers me and so do other things. Like the fact that I can't talk to anyone. My husband seems to think that it's funny and I have no one else to talk to about how I feel. How this is making me feel is so many things and there is no one to share it with.


Oh I'm rambling now and the kids are gradually getting louder...... what time is it? Oh lookie there.... bedtime! My favorite time of day! Well until the next time and like I said it's LOUD in here!

Super Mom....Not Quite

So being Super Mom is definitely something to live for and live up to! We all want to wear that cape with the SM stamped on it. Our kids look up to us as Super Moms and at times we even feel as though we are. Perhaps at times not quite.... Being the mother of three and raising a set of twins at that has definitely gotten me the title of super mom at times. People will say "how do you do that?" or "I couldn't do two at one time..." The list goes on and I'm sure some of you can relate. I learned today that one of my biggest fears is coming real and it scares me to death. Being sick is interfering with being super mom. MS is taking away from so much in my life. One thing that it truly affects is my memory. I often have a hard time naming things, people, places or just recalling events. Today I forgot my son's lunch. He's a second grader. The school called and I rushed right over with lunch for him and burst into tears in the cafeteria. The realization of what I had done just hit me. Yes, I know other parents have done this before and it doesn't mean I'm a bad mother. However, I've been worried about a lot of things. What if I forget other things? Could I potentially one day forget my kids names, my own name, how to do every day tasks?

I had to take a break while writing this. I don't even know now where my train of thought was going with the above except to say that I'm not perfect, not a perfect mom and I'm quite scared. The phone rang and on the other end was the lady from the local MS group. It's never been so good to talk to someone. She sounds JUST like me. So many things in common. She is much older than I am, but yet just about every aspect of her life is the same as mine. She knows exactly how I feel and what I go through every day. She is sending me information and I just may be able to go to the meeting next week. It feels amazing to have someone else just know. I can't wait to meet other people too who are right there with me. No matter where this journey takes me, I know it will be amazing!

For Starters

Well it's my first post on here so I suppose it better be a good one. It's been quite a week for my family and I. Just to start with having 3 children in itself is quite exhausting. This time of year my husband has to work longer hours and often that is quite hard. At times you may read about the occasional griping of his job. I'll try to keep that at a minimum. So this first entry is going to be about the news that I received last week. Since 2003 I have struggled with health and it's been an ongoing thing. Back and forth to the Dr I have traveled with testing, labs, medicine, etc. It's been a nightmare. Many have had conclusions as to what they thought was going on. We have our own conclusion - a medicine I took. It's documented that there are horrible side effects associated with taking this drug. About 6 months ago I was tested for MS, Multiple Sclerosis. The MRI came back negative for lesions on the brain. I was told, however, that this does not always mean that a person doesn't have MS. It's a process of elimination and based on symptoms and that it can take years for someone to have a positive MRI even though they have been living with the symptoms. So I went about normal life and felt like things were back to "normal", whatever that may actually be. That was until this past Monday when I had a follow-up with one of my Dr's. As always we went over the necessary things, changes, etc. He then informed me that he still believes we are dealing with MS. He wanted my family and I to be mindful of the symptoms and to be mindful of what was going on. He no longer wanted me to drive long distances by myself. He increased my medicine for one month and if it doesn't work it's on to something new. I will only see him every 6 months now because he is an hour away and again it's the driving issue. This time around I really had no reaction except listening and taking it all in. Last time I was so numb I drove all the way home in silence. This time my mom and children were with me. So I have been able to tell a few people what is going on and I have contacted the local MS support group where I live. I plan on attending after the first of the year and connecting with people who understand. My family is being great and on days that I don't feel well or can't drive they are right there pitching in. I'm not expecting things to be easy or for everyone to understand or "get it" right away. This is still new to me and I'm not even sure I truly get it. I know Dr's can be wrong and make mistakes but for now we are just living in this moment and dealing with what we know. I'm so truly blessed by what I have and it's taken a long time to get to where I am, I've come so far! For now I'm going to close but stay tuned..... the kids are running around and I'm sure there is a story lurking in what they are doing!