This week is going to be a rough week in this house. On Wednesday I will have my 4th knee surgery. It's the 3rd one on my right knee. I tore the cartilage in it. I have no idea how I did that. Not to mention that last week I slipped and fell on the stairs coming in the house and might have messed it up even more, but that's ok they are fixing it! I don't have a time yet, just the day.
Thomas will not understand what is going on. This will rock his little world. Sure I've had surgery, actually more than one since they've been born but not since we've known about the Autism. Not that that makes a difference but things now are more rigid, the schedule is more set and he has a routine every single day that really does not vary or change by much. On Wednesday I'm probably going to mess that up for several weeks. The house is going to turn upside down and then on top of that everyone is going to start back to school.
All of them are going to different schools and starting at different times. Thomas doesn't realize that he will not be with Sissy next year nor do I think that she really has grasped the concept that he will not be with her. My oldest will be a 4th grader and everyone goes and different times during the day. Not to mention that into the mix of that we are going to throw mom who just had knee surgery and needs to go to orientation, IEP meetings, get Thomas to OT, drop off and pick up, etc. Our typical day on a Monday after everyone has started will go like this: My oldest will have to be at his school by 8 so we will leave the house around 7:45 ish. Thomas then needs to go across town to his school and be in by 8:30 and finally Sissy needs to go a short distance from there and be in her preschool by 9. Mom can then come home and clean, relax, run errands, whatever until the pickup process begins which will be : Sissy is picked up at 1 and can come home because we don't pick Thomas up until around 2 and then we need to book it across town to get brother by 2:30-3. This will be the biggest issue because I can guarantee that Thomas will be hungry and thirsty so I will always need to be prepared with a snack and drink (Yoohoo) so that we can go get in line for brother because the line there gets long, quick and you don't want to wait in the very back of the line especially with Thomas who is ready to get him and GO!
I'm just praying that this week goes well for me, for them, for everyone! I hope and pray that everything with each of them and their schools goes well. I'm very worried for Thomas and Sissy being separated. I know it is going to be difficult for me, I will be very emotional. Due to my surgery I have had to cancel some appointments for him that we really needed to get to and I just could not get there. So if you are a praying person, send one up for Thomas because sometimes change is the hardest thing to accept.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Letting Go
I've learned that you have to do a lot of this. Lately I've had to let go of the thought that I'd ever have my father in my life or that my children would have their biological grandfather. One day I will have to sit down and tell them everything, but that's one day, not today! My oldest son will have questions and I will address those with him when the time is right. For now I'm letting all of that go. It's not good for the soul to hold onto things. God does not want us to be angry beings.
The same holds true for Autism. While dropping my oldest son off this week for camp my grandmother told me a story that someone in our family had told her. They teach in the public school system and just had a boy with Autism to graduate and his counselor had come in when he first started to teach them about Autism and what to expect. The counselor said to imagine that you are going on the best trip of your life (most people would say Hawaii) and you are all geared up and ready to go and the plane lands in Kentucky. You think to yourself this is terrible, this isn't what I wanted or expected at all. This is not what I had planned for. Then you realize that Kentucky isn't so bad after all and you adjust and make the best out of it. That's Autism!
When Thomas was born he wasn't supposed to make it. He was grey and little and his chest was caved in. He had tubes everywhere and he couldn't breathe. In the NICU he had blood drawn multiple times a day and he went back and forth between a CPAP and being intubated. He had a spinal tap and had staph infection. He was not supposed to make it. BUT HE DID! He came home and was not doing things on time, he had a right sided tremor and had to go to a neurologist. He had to have a bronchoscopy at 11 months old and was diagnosed with not 1, BUT 2 respiratory conditions. He went another year and was diagnosed again with Asthma. He went yet another year or so and BOOM Asperger's Syndrome - Autism Spectrum.
I've been through all the anger emotions. I've had to let go of a lot. I can't be angry anymore because he needs me! There are things much bigger than I am, more powerful than I. Sometimes we just have to learn to let it go!
The same holds true for Autism. While dropping my oldest son off this week for camp my grandmother told me a story that someone in our family had told her. They teach in the public school system and just had a boy with Autism to graduate and his counselor had come in when he first started to teach them about Autism and what to expect. The counselor said to imagine that you are going on the best trip of your life (most people would say Hawaii) and you are all geared up and ready to go and the plane lands in Kentucky. You think to yourself this is terrible, this isn't what I wanted or expected at all. This is not what I had planned for. Then you realize that Kentucky isn't so bad after all and you adjust and make the best out of it. That's Autism!
When Thomas was born he wasn't supposed to make it. He was grey and little and his chest was caved in. He had tubes everywhere and he couldn't breathe. In the NICU he had blood drawn multiple times a day and he went back and forth between a CPAP and being intubated. He had a spinal tap and had staph infection. He was not supposed to make it. BUT HE DID! He came home and was not doing things on time, he had a right sided tremor and had to go to a neurologist. He had to have a bronchoscopy at 11 months old and was diagnosed with not 1, BUT 2 respiratory conditions. He went another year and was diagnosed again with Asthma. He went yet another year or so and BOOM Asperger's Syndrome - Autism Spectrum.
I've been through all the anger emotions. I've had to let go of a lot. I can't be angry anymore because he needs me! There are things much bigger than I am, more powerful than I. Sometimes we just have to learn to let it go!
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