Letting Go

I've learned that you have to do a lot of this. Lately I've had to let go of the thought that I'd ever have my father in my life or that my children would have their biological grandfather. One day I will have to sit down and tell them everything, but that's one day, not today! My oldest son will have questions and I will address those with him when the time is right. For now I'm letting all of that go. It's not good for the soul to hold onto things. God does not want us to be angry beings.

The same holds true for Autism. While dropping my oldest son off this week for camp my grandmother told me a story that someone in our family had told her. They teach in the public school system and just had a boy with Autism to graduate and his counselor had come in when he first started to teach them about Autism and what to expect. The counselor said to imagine that you are going on the best trip of your life (most people would say Hawaii) and you are all geared up and ready to go and the plane lands in Kentucky. You think to yourself this is terrible, this isn't what I wanted or expected at all. This is not what I had planned for. Then you realize that Kentucky isn't so bad after all and you adjust and make the best out of it. That's Autism!

When Thomas was born he wasn't supposed to make it. He was grey and little and his chest was caved in. He had tubes everywhere and he couldn't breathe. In the NICU he had blood drawn multiple times a day and he went back and forth between a CPAP and being intubated. He had a spinal tap and had staph infection. He was not supposed to make it. BUT HE DID! He came home and was not doing things on time, he had a right sided tremor and had to go to a neurologist. He had to have a bronchoscopy at 11 months old and was diagnosed with not 1, BUT 2 respiratory conditions. He went another year and was diagnosed again with Asthma. He went yet another year or so and BOOM Asperger's Syndrome - Autism Spectrum.

I've been through all the anger emotions. I've had to let go of a lot. I can't be angry anymore because he needs me! There are things much bigger than I am, more powerful than I. Sometimes we just have to learn to let it go!